Goes w/o saying, if u hook up with Jenn, that offer is void and I’ll be gone.

Jenn Jenn. . .how does a guy respond? I try not to be a one-upper, but I’ll be as honest as possible, in a way I never would be in person. . .

You are certainly worth more than a $200 bottle. . . but the bottle is so I can do me on the couch, while you do you. And by you, I’m guessing Patron. What is it with girls and tequila anyway?

Your talent is quite impressive, but I don’t fantasize about getting head. Never asked for it, didn’t mind it, but was always impatient to fuck. Getting serviced in a dressing room or while I’m driving lights up in my head when I flashback the same way an erased sex tape does, but I’d really just want to preciously and softly, drill the shit out of a girl.

Right after I get down MY knees to pleasure a girl with high expectations. And pass. With flying colors and rainbows, and that look on your face.

J/k. I begged a girl for YEARS to let me go down her. Never transpired, though she always insisted on handling me before I could spin her around, and well, I don’t have to draw you a map from here. Some fucked up shit huh?

Happy new year, muah.

Griffin: Happy new year to you too, Johnny. That’s some pretty elaborate sex descriptions right there. Jenn, ball is in your court.

Also, Ballsack emailed me to say he’s pretending the kiss at the end of your comment was for him. Goddamnit Sack, why you always gotta make shit weird up in here?

Griffin: Enjoy the boozing. Tequila can be a cruel beast. Hopefully it leads to more talking about/comparing bras and thongs.

So wait, it costs more than $200 for a blowjob? I’m sure if I had stopped at the stripper truck stop, I could have gotten one (a toothless one at that) for $6.

What is my charm is worth $5,000?

In any case, I’m sure fitting blowjobs and rock band into one sentence just garnered you a few marriage proposals.

Fuckin. Pathetic.

Griffin: Happy New Year!