Raleigh: Part 1

January 22nd, 2010 § 28

The cell phone alarm blared its shitty digital melody. Every time I hit snooze, it came back with exponential vengeance. The default Verizon ringtone was beginning to blend into my nightmares, whether it was waking me up as an alarm or announcing a call before Jeff came through on the other end telling me to hurry the fuck up and get to wherever I was going. I sat up in bed and waited for the hangover symptoms to take hold – dry mouth, burning eyes, mild pounding in my head. Not too bad.

I picked out some fresh clothes from my suitcase. The hotel floor was littered with wet towels outside the bathroom. Charlie and Greg had made it up for a morning shower; it was Greg’s first shower in a week. Jace was inside the bathroom plucking his eyebrows in the mirror.

“Jace, get out. I need a quick shower.”

“No way dude, I’m about to shower. And I’m using the last towel. Too bad, you should have woken up sooner.” He slammed the door in my face, giggling until the sounds of running water drowned it out.

I pounded a fist on the door, “Well hurry the fuck up then.”

“Don’t count on it. I’m shaving my legs too.”

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Urban Life Hackz: Volume Two

January 15th, 2010 § 34

For those of you with girlfriends, wives, moms, wuss-husbands or basically any lame co-habitant, coming home from a night of drunk driving always presents problems. Let’s not even get into the impending hangover that will ruin your entire next day; there are more immediate concerns afoot. For this example we’ll use a wife since they are scientifically proven to spaz the hardest. Okay, you’re riding a sweet buzz and all you want to do is go inside, crank your music, play videogames, maybe try doing a back flip off your couch and eat Hamburger Helper. BUT one thing stands in your way: A pissed off woman who will not be impressed when you wake her up (multiply by 6 if she’s having a period).

WHAT DO YOU DO? » Read the rest of this entry «

Urban Life Hackz: Volume One

January 8th, 2010 § 29

Internet culture has opened whole new doors into the Life Hackz world.  Whether you’re looking to survive in the wild with such handy tricks as using cactus needles as toothpicks, or survive dorm life by learning how to use your own sweat instead of butter when cooking grilled cheese sandwiches, the internet has you covered. Almost.

One glaring omission is true Urban survival life hackz. Les Stroud and Bear Grylls have your back if you find yourself stranded on a mountain for 3 days, but what happens when the cruel world of urban living throws you a curveball?

I was born and raised in the city. I’ve spent 28 years grinding it out, and learning the trickz to staying alive. Now I’m taking these skillz, and passing them onto my faithful readers. Don’t even bother to thank me. Keeping you alive is thanks enough.

This brings me to our first lesson. It’s a dangerous situation that is all too common, especially in suburbia. You’re chilling out between daily Wii Fit exercises, when something moves on the wall beside you. You look sideways. BAM. SPIDER. WHAT DO YOU DO?

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Columbia

December 30th, 2009 § 56

Footsteps and rustling shattered my already delicate sleep. I had forgotten where I was. Eye wide open, everything pitch black and unfamiliar. Momentary confusion consumed my mental resources while I palmed the surroundings. And, as the reality of being on the bus flooded back into me so did the realization of a compound hangover. I could only laugh, peeling the curtain open to let the morning light bombard my senses. I rolled out of the bunk, almost losing my balance before landing on my feet. I braced a hand on each wall, walking down the bus like I was inside a ship on rough waters. It was a small miracle when I discovered the fridge stocked full of sugar-free Red Bulls. I would find out later Jeff had managed to swing a deal with a Red Bull rep.

Tucker had been the source of the noise. He was setting up his laptop on his table. I tried to hide my agony as a stumbled by, grunting in place of morning pleasantries. Stepping off the bus, the southern air was thick but hollow as if god was rationing out oxygen. I finished the red bulls before finding the hotel room. A knock on the door revealed that Charlie was already awake.

“Sup dude, how was your night?” He said, going back to packing up his suitcase. » Read the rest of this entry «

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